After being mentally assaulted by 10 passages and 3 essays, sophomores at Everett High are rallying to be compensated for their newly acquired PTSD. 

The protests began around 10 AM on Thursday, March 26, and carried out till 8 PM. Several internal structures of the school were broken and destroyed, including lighting fixtures, a large supply of Chromebooks and tables inside the cafeteria.  However, most of the damage went unnoticed, as many claimed to not notice the difference from how they were before. 

“It was traumatizing. I don’t think I’ll ever recover,” said one sophomore by the name of Anne-Laurie Elescar, shortly before being run over by a rolling cart by a raging English teacher.

March 24 and 25 marked the day a hundred sophomores lost their will to live after being subjected to the horrid pains of the ELA MCAS, a statewide standardized test that has destroyed the minds, hearts and hands of thousands of students all over Massachusetts. 

In response to the protestors, Everett High Principal Dr. Braga said, “Skill issues bro.” His response only seemed to anger students further, as several boys were seen doing backflips and nibbling on concrete as a supposed stress-relief tactic.

 In the end, gaseous sedatives had to be released in the air to finally get the students to calm down. The desired effect was not achieved, however. The Redbull and Dunkin caffeine coursing through the veins of Everett High’s sleep-deprived students counteracted the sedatives.

It would take five more attempts before everyone finally fell asleep, giving authorities the chance to wheel everyone back to their homes.