Dear OTR,

My friend is really lazy and it has started to rub off onto me. I’ve tried to help them, but there is so little I can do.

Dear Lazy,

Laziness can’t actually “rub off” on you—it’s not a contagious disease. But I get that if you’re around people who aren’t motivated, it’s easy to fall into a similar mindset. Still, laziness is a personal choice. You decide whether or not to get things done, no matter who you’re with.

I understand getting frustrated when someone isn’t putting in effort, especially if you’re someone who values productivity. But at the end of the day, you’re the one in control of what you do. Blaming your friend for your own lack of motivation won’t benefit anybody. We all have moments where it’s hard to stay motivated, but pointing fingers doesn’t solve anything.

It’s also important to think about what “laziness” really means here. Could there be something deeper going on with your friend? Sometimes what seems like laziness is actually a sign of burnout, depression, or another matter entirely. Have you had a conversation with them about how they’re feeling? Instead of just harshly labeling them, try to understand where they’re coming from.

At the same time, it’s okay to recognize that your friend’s behavior might be affecting you. If it’s impacting your motivation or mindset, it might be time to set some boundaries. You’re not obligated to stay in friendships that hold you back, but it’s important to approach the situation with empathy, not judgment. It might help to talk to your friend about how you’re feeling and see if you both can support each other.

But don’t be too hard on yourself, you are still finding your way through adolescence. It’s difficult to help someone when you have limited resources. If you feel you’ve exhausted every option, maybe recommend your friend going to an adult. The CHA at the high school has many resources free of charge, and because of HIPAA, they are unable to disclose medical information to anyone who isn’t the patient (including parents). 

Ultimately, you’re the one in control of your actions. If you need a boost, look for ways to motivate yourself, independent of others.

But that’s just our opinion.

Resources: 

Everett Teen Health Clinic CHA–Friday: 8 AM–3 PM, Saturday: Closed, Sunday: Closed, Monday: 8 AM–4 PM, Tuesday: 8 AM–4 PM, Wednesday: 8 AM–4 PM, Thursday: 8AM–4 PM.

Crisis Hotline: Dial or Text 988