Dear OTR,

I feel like I’m falling out with my best friend. I am too busy with after-school extracurricular activities like sports and clubs and she gets mad that I am not spending enough time with her. What should I do?

Dear Falling Out,

Well, if you don’t care about your friend, then yeah, keep prioritizing other things. But friendships, like any other relationship, thrive on mutual effort and consistent nurturing. We live in a “if you wanted to, you would” kind of world, and if maintaining this friendship is important to you, ask yourself: are you really trying to make time for them?

Being busy with extracurriculars doesn’t make you a bad friend, but it doesn’t give you an excuse to ignore their feelings. Life gets hectic, and it’s valid to prioritize your goals and interests. However, ignoring your friend’s feelings—especially when they’ve voiced their frustration—WILL strain the relationship. At some point, you need to ask yourself what truly matters: the friendship or your current schedule. If you choose your commitments over the friendship, own that decision, but also recognize it might mean letting go or redefining the relationship. Friendship requires balance, and without it, even the strongest bonds are bound to fall apart.

That said, there’s also a chance your friend might be expecting too much from you. It’s possible they’re being overbearing or wanting more of your time than you’re realistically able to give. Friendships should feel supportive, not like a full-time job. If you feel like they’re not respecting your boundaries or your need to focus on other things, that’s something to address.

At the end of the day, friendships can’t survive on one-sided effort. If they feel like they’re doing all the work to keep the relationship alive, resentment is inevitable. If you guys keep arguing over this, maybe think about creating some distance instead of always feeling like you’re letting them down. It’s not fair to you and it’s especially not fair to your friend.

The key here is communication. Be honest about when you’re busy and when you can hang out. Try to meet in the middle—maybe you could invite them to a club meeting or set aside time on weekends to catch up. Even just texting or facetiming whenever you can would show that you still value them, even when life gets overwhelming. If you genuinely want to keep this person in your life, you’ll find ways to make it work.

But that’s just our opinion.